Supreme Court Decision Same Sex Marriage

Q: Why the US Supreme Court should have legalized Marijuana when they approved same sex-marriage?
A: Because it says in the bible, a man who lies with another man shall be stoned.

Marriage Quotes

• In a great romance, each person plays a part the other really likes. - Elizabeth Ashley
• Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. - Jim Backus
• No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. - Honore de Balzac
• Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting. - Ray Bandy
• Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it. - Baskins
• I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting. - Milton Berle, when called to the microphone at the 2nd Annual Comedians Hall of Fame Inductions
• Love: a temporary insanity often curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce
• The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity. - Ambrose Bierce
• I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. - David Bissonette
• Ah Mozart! He was happily married - but his wife wasn't. - Borge
• In the blithe days of honeymoon, With Kate's allurements smitten, I lov'd her late, I lov'd her soon, And call'd her dearest kitten.But now my kitten's grown a cat, And cross like other wives. O! By my soul my honest Mat, I fear she has nine lives. - James Boswell "Life of Johnson"
• A sweetheart is a bottle of wine, a wife is a wine bottle. - Boudelaire
• For a male and female to live continuously together is...biologically speaking, an extremely unnatural condition. - Robert Briffault
• My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home from work one day and found me in bed with her. - Lenny Bruce
• Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya." This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay on Top of Me Or I'll Die.' I didn't know what I was gonna do..." - Lenny Bruce
• Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back. - Al Bundy
• Nothing says lovin' like marrying your cousin! - Al Bundy
• Once a boy becomes a man, he's a man all his life, but a woman is only sexy until she becomes your wife. - Al Bundy
• I hate work. That's why I got married. - Peg Bundy
• I just want what every married woman wants, someone besides her husband to sleep with. - Peg Bundy
• The only thing that holds a marriage together is the husband bein' big enough to keep his mouth shut, to step back and see where his wife is wrong. - Archie Bunker
• In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved. - Butler
• If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry. - Chekhov
• Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. - G. K. Chesterton
• An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her. - Agatha Christie
• The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - S. T. Coleridge

A Folk Remedy

A man's wife had been in a coma for several days following a particularly nasty knock on the head. As usual, one of the nurses in the hospital was giving her a wash in bed. As she washed down the woman's body, she sponged her pubic hair. Out of the corner of her eye she thought she had seen the woman's eyebrows shudder. Not quite sure, she tried again. This time, she actually did see some movement. "Doctor, Doctor," she called, "I saw some movement!" The Doctor came in to the room and tried as well. Once more, they both saw movement around the woman's eyes. "Well this is good news," said the Doctor. "I think we should call her husband and let him know." Anyway, they called her husband and told him that they had seen some movement. When he arrived, they explained that by touching her pubic hair, they were seeing some sort of reaction in her facial muscles. The Doctor suggested that the husband may like to try something a little more adventurous in order to provoke a stronger reaction. "I suggest that we leave the room and that you try a little oral sex," he said. The husband duly agreed and so he was left alone in the room. Several moments later, all the emergency alarms and buzzers were activated. The Doctor and a host of nurses ran in to the wife's room where they saw the husband zipping up his jeans. "Oops," he said, "I think I choked her."