The Cemetary Plot Gift

A couple has not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks,"I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday. "Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything. She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!? "He replied, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"

Sex While Pregnant

For those of you about to become first-time fathers, you should know something that us old pros do: there are three stages of sex with your mate during pregnancy.

1. During the first trimester, you do it regular style.
2. During the second trimester, you do it doggie style.
3. During the last trimester, you do it wolf style. "What the heck is wolf style?" you ask. That's when you sit by the hole and howl!

Coma Time

Dr: "Mr Smith, your wife is comfortable."
Husband: "I thought she was in a coma and critical condition."
Dr: "She is, the nurses are using her as a beanbag."