Relationship Jokes - Man Criticizes Woman

Woman's Quote of the Day:
"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner with."
Men's Counter-Quote of the Day: "Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache."

I get no respect with my wife. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand; she lit it.

Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives. One signs to the other, "boy was my wife mad at me last night! She went on and on and wouldn't stop!" The other Buddy says "when my wife goes off on me I just don't listen." "How do you do that?" Says the other. "It's easy! I turn off the light!"

After their love-making session a young bride asks her husband "Was making love to me really the same as making love to Marilyn Monroe?" "Yes, she's dead too!"

You know you're a redneck if your wife wants to take a bath but you have to move the transmission from the tub first.