Why Jim Smith Lost His First Love

Jim Smith wished to buy a present for his first sweetheart, and after careful consideration he decided on a pair of gloves. Accompanied by his sweetheart's sister, he went to a department store and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the items got mixed up (The sweetheart got the panties). Without checking the contents, Jim sealed his package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note. Dearest Darling,This is a little gift to show you I have not forgotten you this Christmas. I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your younger sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easy to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me a pair that she had worn for three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had the sales girl try them on and she really looked smart. I wish I could put them on you the first time. No doubt, other men's hands will come in contact with them before I have the chance to see you again. When you take them off blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Be sure to keep them on when you clean them or they might shrink. I hope you like them and will wear them for me next Friday night. All My Love, Jimmy P.S. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. Also, the sales girl showed me how they look when worn in the latest style - folded down with the fur showing.

Flameless

Joined a dating site. On my profile my only request was that the girl owned a lighter.
I have no matches.

Oh Marie

One day at church, John asked Marie out to dinner. She accepted and on Friday he picked up Marie and took her to dinner at a very nice restaurant. When they sat down, John said, "Hey, Marie, would you like a cocktail before dinner?" "Oh, no, John," said Marie. "What would I tell my Sunday School class?" Well, John was setback a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner. Then he reached in his pocket and pulled out a joint.  "Hey, Marie," said John, "Would you like to get high?" "Oh, no, John," said Marie. "What would I tell my Sunday School class?" Well, John was feeling pretty low after that, so he just got in his car and was driving Marie home when they passed a motel. He'd struck out twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose. "Hey, Marie," said John, "how would you like to stop at this motel with me?" "Sure, John, that would be nice," said Marie. Well, John couldn't believe his luck. He did a hard U-turn and drove back to the motel and checked in with Marie. The next morning John woke up first. He tenderly shook Marie and said, "Marie, I've got to ask you one thing, what are you going to tell your Sunday School class?" Marie said, "The same thing I always tell them......... You don't have to drink or do drugs to have a good time.