My wife found out I was cheating after she found the letters I was hiding.
She got mad and said she’s never playing Scrabble with me again.
A Change of Style
Two men were changing in the locker room after a game of tennis. One notices the other one is putting on pair of stockings and suspenders. He says, "When did you start wearing them?" To which the other man replies, "Since my wife found a pair on the back seat of the car."
A guy is talking to his best friend. He tells him, "I haven't made love with her for a month. She's carrying a strange virus that can leave me deaf if I have any sort of sexual intercourse with her."
The friend replied, "Talk louder man, I can't hear a thing you're saying."
Magnussen goes to a marriage counselor and says, "My wife isn't as much fun as she used to be."
The marriage counselor says, "Do you still enjoy a roll in the hay?"
Magnussen says, "As much as the next fellow."
The counselor says, "Maybe between you and the next fellow, she's exhausted."
This guy took his nymphomaniac wife to the sex therapist for treatment. "This is one hot potato of a lady, doctor," he said, "Maybe you can do something for her? She goes for any man, any age, any time, anywhere and it is just driving me crazy with jealousy."
"We'll see," the therapist said. He directed the wife into his examining room, closed the door behind her, and told her to get undressed. Then he told her to get up onto the examining table on her stomach. The moment he touched her buttocks, she began to squirm and moan. It was too much for him to resist, so he climbed up on top of her and began screwing her. The husband suddenly hears the moans and groans coming from the examination room. Very suspicious, he bursts into the room and is confronted by the sight of the doctor astride his wife and banging away.
"Doctor, what are you doing?!?" he asked. Flustered, the therapist replied,
"Oh, it's you! I'm only taking your wife's temperature!" The husband pulled out a large pocket knife and began to hone it deliberately on his sleeve.
"Well, doc," he said, "when you take that thing out, it better have numbers on it!"