Married?

From now on when people ask me why I'm not married, I'll just say it's a supply chain issue.

Talk with God

MAN: God, my girlfriend is so pretty and has such pretty hair.
GOD: I know, I made her that way so you would love her.
MAN: God, she has such beautiful blue eyes.
GOD: I know I made them for her so you would love her.
MAN: There is only one thing wrong with her. She is a little dense.
GOD: I know..I made her that way so she could love YOU!

Retired

An old retired man goes to his wife one day, and says to her, "I don't know how to tell you this dear, but the stock market crashed, and I'm afraid we're broke."
The wife says, "No, we're not. Let's go for a drive into town."
Husband replies, "Our savings are all gone and you want is to go for a drive? Oh well, whatever. I guess you're crazier than me." So off they go into town.
When they get there the wife points and says, "See that office building? We own that." Husband thinks his wife is nuts so he mumbles something unintelligible and drives to the next area of the city, which just happens to be the richest part of town.
Wife says again pointing, "See those five houses? We own those."
Husband is now sure his wife is certifiably crazy so he says, "What makes you think we own all this property?"
Wife replies, "Remember when we first got married and for jokes you would give me $5.00 every time we had sex? Well, I kept the money and invested it and 20 years later this is what has become of it all. Not bad, eh?"
Husband says, "Dammit woman, if I'd known you were this good with money I'd have probably given you all my business."