Rich Widow

Casey married a rich widow, but they didn't get along. One day she said to him, "If it wasn't for my money, that new television wouldn't be here. If it wasn't for my money, that grand piano wouldn't be here. If it wasn't for my money, this house wouldn't be here." Casey mumbled, "If it wasn't for your money, I wouldn't be here."

Every Precaution

I must take every precaution not to get pregnant," said Edna to Priscilla. "But I thought you said your hubby had a vasectomy,"  Priscilla responded. "He did. That's why I have to take every precaution."

Guys Keep it Simple

At the pre-marriage retreat, Natalie and Drew are each told to write a sentence using the words “sex” and “love.”
Natalie writes: “When two mature people are both passionately and deeply in love with one another to a high degree and they respect each other very much, just like Drew and I, it is spiritually and morally acceptable for them to engage in the act of physical sex with one another.”
Drew writes: “I love sex.”