The Boarder

An eighty-year-old man went to his doctor for a checkup. The man was getting married in a month to a girl 60 years his junior. The doctor tried to talk him out of the marriage, but it didn't work.
"If you want your marriage to last," the doctor conceded, "I say you at least take in a boarder." The old man agreed.
The old man didn't see the doctor until they met at a fund-raiser a year later. The old man says, "Doc, congratulate me, my wife is pregnant."
"That's good news," said the doctor. "I knew the boarder would help."
"Oh," said the old man with a wicked grin, "and the boarder's pregnant as well."

Full Heart, Empty Head

Michael Hoolihan was courting Frances Phelan. The young couple sat in the parlor of the girl's house night after night, much to the annoyance of old man Phelan. One night he couldn't take any more.
Standing at the top of the stairs, he yelled down, "What's that young fella doin' here all hours of the night?"
"Why, Dad, " said Frances, "Michael was just telling me everything that's in his heart!"
"Well, next time, " roared Phelan, "just let him tell you what's in his head, and it won't take half as long!"

Living Proof

A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.