Full Heart, Empty Head

Michael Hoolihan was courting Frances Phelan. The young couple sat in the parlor of the girl's house night after night, much to the annoyance of old man Phelan. One night he couldn't take any more.
Standing at the top of the stairs, he yelled down, "What's that young fella doin' here all hours of the night?"
"Why, Dad, " said Frances, "Michael was just telling me everything that's in his heart!"
"Well, next time, " roared Phelan, "just let him tell you what's in his head, and it won't take half as long!"

Living Proof

A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.

My Only Extravagance

"Okay," said the wife, "I'll admit I like to spend money, but it's the only extravagance I have!"