Guide For All Women

A WOMAN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A MAN IS REALLY SAYING:
I'M HUNGRY. I'm hungry.
I'M SLEEPY. I'm sleepy.
I'M TIRED. I'm tired.
I'VE GOTTA GO. Get out of the way and stay away until it clears.
WHAT'S WRONG? I don't see why you're making such a big deal out of this.
WHAT'S WRONG? What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR. I liked it better before.
YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR. $50 and it doesn't look that much different!
YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR. For $50 they should have GIVEN YOU hair!
LET'S TALK, HONEY. I'm trying to impress you by showing you that I am a deep person, and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.
WILL YOU MARRY ME? I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
WILL YOU MARRY ME? I might as well get tax benefits for going through these talks.

Definition of Bad Lover

Definition of Bad Lover: An earthquake occurs during sex. Afterwards he asks the woman if she felt the earth move. She says no.

Panty Patrol

A wife goes on a retreat for work. When she returns, she finds a pair of panties in her dresser that do not belong to her. Furious, she questions her husband. The husband says, "I have no idea where they came from -- I don't do the laundry!" So, the wife goes to the maid and questions her. Indignant, the maid replies, "Madam, how should I know? These panties don't belong to me. I don't even wear panties -- just ask your husband!"