Camping Weekend

Ed, Ted and their wives went out camping one weekend. Ed and Ted slept in one tent while the wives used the other. At about three in the morning, Ted woke up and yelled, "Wow, unbelievable!" Which woke Ed. "What's going on?" said Ed. "I've got to go to the other tent and find my wife," said Ted. "How come?" said Ed. "To have sex! I just woke up with the biggest hard-on I've ever had in my life!" said Ted. After a pause, Ed said, "Do you want me to come with you?" "Hell, no! Why would I want you to do that?" said Ted. "Because that's my dick you're holding," said Ed.

Woman In A Hardware Store

The newly divorced woman had never had to be the handyman around the house before, and quickly discovered she was lacking most of the proper tools to do the odd jobs needed. She made a trip to the local hardware store and quickly learned that it was truly a "man's world" there. Thinking that she might be taken advantage of if she let on that she was indeed a novice, she made a determined effort to look and sound as if she knew what she was doing. Completing her first group of purchases she took them to the clerk at the counter and looking behind him she discovered she hadn't bought any files. She pointed to one and said  "May I have one of those ?" The clerk, unsure of what she was indicating said, "What... one of those bastards ?" Without a pause, she said, "Yeah ! And ya better give me a few of those Son-of-a-Bitches next to 'em too."

What Did He Do?

"Oh love, what did you ever do to deserve a wife like me?" she said looking lovingly into her husbands eyes. "I don't know, but I promise I'll never do it again."