Ex Wife Takes All

After 15 years of marriage, Kate leaves her husband Danny. Danny lost everything to his ex wife, so thinking he's going insane, he takes a little walk through the forest. As he was walking his foot hits a lamp and a genie comes out. The genie says, "I'll give u 3 wishes, BUT everything you get your wife gets two times as much." Danny wishes for a car and his wife got two times as many cars. Then he wished for a house and his wife got two houses. Then Danny asked the genie to choke him half two death.

Wife and Best Friend

A man walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch. The barman gives it to him and he gulps in down in one swoop. "Hey buddy, you must be having it rough. Whats up with you?" says the bartender. "Well, I got home early from work last night and found my wife and my best friend in bed with each other!" "That's terrible pal, the next drink is on the house." So the bartender gives him another tripple scotch and again he gulps it down. "If you don't mind me asking, what did you say to your wife?" "I told her I've had enough and I want a divorce!" "Good for you! You said the right thing.  So what did you say to your best friend?" "Well, I walked up to him, looked him straight in the eyes and said ... BAD DOG!"

Camping Weekend

Ed, Ted and their wives went out camping one weekend. Ed and Ted slept in one tent while the wives used the other. At about three in the morning, Ted woke up and yelled, "Wow, unbelievable!" Which woke Ed. "What's going on?" said Ed. "I've got to go to the other tent and find my wife," said Ted. "How come?" said Ed. "To have sex! I just woke up with the biggest hard-on I've ever had in my life!" said Ted. After a pause, Ed said, "Do you want me to come with you?" "Hell, no! Why would I want you to do that?" said Ted. "Because that's my dick you're holding," said Ed.