Relationship Weight

Q: Why are married women heavier than single women?
A: Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Top 10 Reasons Why FIshing is Better Than Sex

10 Reasons why fishing is better than sex:
10: Lasts from dawn till dusk
9: You have your own secret hole
8: Allowed several fish daily
7: Can choose the length of your rod
6: Can fish any time of the month
5: You clean it before you eat it
4: Able to take a nap while you fish
3: The cost of bait is cheaper than a date
2: You can always throw it back
1: Your favorite catch can be mounted on the wall
 

Things Your Wife Won't Say

The smell of beer on your breath drives me wild.
I'm bored. Let's shave the pussy.
I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.
Let's get a good porno movie, a case of beer, and make an afternoon of it.
God, if I don't blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust!
I only signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head.
Let's subscribe to Hustler.
Let's take pictures so your friends will believe you.
Honey, our neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again. Come see!
Awesome fart! Do another one!