Relationship Jokes

What Three Words?

Q: Besides "I love you", what three words does a wife want to hear most?
A: "I'll fix it."

Categories: Relationship Jokes (Marriage Jokes) , Riddles
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

The Mistress

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that?!" "Oh" replies the husband, "that was my mistress." "That's it," says the wife, "I want a divorce." "Ok," replies her husband, "but remember, if you get a divorce there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no Lexus in the garage, and no more country club. But, the decision is yours." Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the restaurant with a gorgeous woman. "Who is that woman with Jim?" she asks. "That's his mistress," replies her husband. "Ours is much better looking." says the wife.

Categories: Relationship Jokes (Cheater Jokes) , Relationship Jokes (Woman Criticizes Man) , Relationship Jokes (Man Criticizes Woman) , Relationship Jokes (Divorce Jokes)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

The Good Wife

After the annual office Labor Day party blowout, John woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouth, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise," he moaned, "Tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?"
"Even worse," she assured him, voice dripping with scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself, succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and insulted the President of the company to his face."
"He's an asshole - piss on him!"
"You did," Louise informed him. "And he fired you."
"Well, screw him!" said John.
"I did. You're back at work on Monday!"

Categories: Sex Jokes (One Night Stand Jokes) , Relationship Jokes (Cheater Jokes)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous