Relationship Jokes

A guy came home to his wife and said to her, "Guess what? I've found a great job. A 10 AM start, 2 PM finish, no overtime, no weekends and it pays $600 a week!" "That's great," his wife said. "Yeah, I thought so too," he agreed. "You start on Monday."

Boyfriend: Do you smoke after sex?

Girlfriend: Dunno, I've never looked

A 70 year old rich guy goes to the bar with his gorgeous 25 year old wife! The bartender asked him, "Why did she marry you?" The old rich guy replied, "I lied about my age!"

Bartender: " You said 45?"

Old rich guy: "No! I said 90!"

An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution."You need to be careful about trying these techniques at home."  "Why?", asked somebody from the audience."I watched my wife's routine at dinner for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time.  One day I told her, 'Honey, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'"  "Did it save time?", the guy in the audience asked.  "Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 30 minutes to make dinner.  Now I do it in ten."

A priest and nun are on their way back home from a convention when their car breaks down. They are unable to get repairs completed and it appears that they will have to spend the night in a motel. The only motel in this town has only one room available so they have a minor problem.

Priest: Sister, I don't think the Lord would have a problem, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room. I'll sleep on the couch and you take the bed.

Sister: I think that would be okay. They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed place in the room. Ten minutes later...

Sister: Father, I'm terribly cold.

Priest: Okay, I'll get up and get you a blanket from the closet. Ten minutes later...

Sister: Father, I'm still terribly cold.

Priest: Okay Sister, I'll get up and get you another blanket. Ten minutes later...

Sister: Father, I'm still terribly cold. I don't think the Lord would mind if we acted as man and wife just for this one night.

Priest: You're probably right... get up and get your own damn blanket!