Relationship Jokes

A girl from Alabama asked me if I found her attractive.

I said, "You've got a face only a brother could love."

Wife asks, "How would you describe me?" Husband answers, "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife responds, "What does that mean?" Husband says, "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot." Wife replies, "Awe, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband says, "I'm just kidding!"

A man complaining to a friend: "I had it all, money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman, then, pow! It was all gone!" "What happened?" asked the friend. "Ahhhh, my wife found out."

Two old men were fishing off a bridge as they had done daily for many years. Suddenly a funeral procession came down the road. The one old man reeled in his line, lain down his pole, faced the street and bowed his head until the procession had passed. He then picked up his pole and started fishing again. The other fisherman was amazed and stated "I didn't know you were that religious." The other looked at him and said "Least I could do, we've been married 42 years!"

"Get this." said the bloke to his mates, "Last night while I was down at the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house." "Did he get anything." his mates asked. "Yeah! A broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of busted nuts. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk."