Happy Birthday Dear

My wife is wonderful!  It's my birthday and she just surprised me with a $250K life insurance policy and a two week trip to China. What a great gal!

Finally Figured Out Women

Q: Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
A: He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

Looking for Love

After 29 years of marriage, Joe and Diane were lying in bed one evening, when Diane felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck slowly worked his hands down over her breasts stopping just over her lower stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the upper most portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and started to watch TV. As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, "That was wonderful, why did you stop?"
Joe said "I found the remote".