Paying Attention

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

Q: What do you call an ex-girlfriend with GPS capability?
A: A crazy bitch that will find you!

Cynic's Approach To Love

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with. If it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place, you either married it or gave birth to it!