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The best jokes and joke writers!

Hillary Wear Short Dress

Q: Why doesn't Hillary wear short dress?

A: Her balls would show.

Fake News

President Trump invited top religious leaders to Mar-a-Lago for a meeting. While having lunch at the beach cafe, a gust of wind blew the Pope's hat off, right into the water. It floated off about 50 feet into the ocean, then the wind died down. The press couldn't believe their good fortune as they captured it all on video. The water was quite deep so the Mar-a-Lago staff and the Secret Service were scrambling to launch a boat to retrieve it, when Trump waved them off saying, "Never mind boys, I'll get it.”

Then Trump calmly stepped off the dock and walked on the water to the hat, picked it up, walked back on the water, stepped back on the dock, and handed the Pope his hat.

Everyone at the event was speechless. No one knew what to say, not even the Pope. But that afternoon, ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN & MSNBC reported:

"TRUMP CAN'T SWIM!”

Time for a Change

Here's another way to look at the Debt Ceiling:

Let's say, You come home from work and find there has been a sewer backup in your neighborhood and your home has sewage all the way up to your ceilings.

What do you think you should do? Raise the ceilings, or pump out the shit?

Your choice is coming Nov. 2016

Little Hodakio

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Hodakio, a bright foreign exchange student from Japan, who had his hand up: "Patrick Henry, 1775," he said. " Very good! -- Who said,"Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth." Again no response except from Little Hodakio: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863." "Excellent," said the teacher continuing, "Let's try one a bit more difficult -- Who said, 'Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country'?" Once again, Hodakio's was the only hand in the air and he said: "John F. Kennedy, 1961". The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves. Hodakio isn't from this country and he knows more about our history than you do." She heard a loud whisper: "F_ _ k the Japs." "Who said that? -- I want to know right now," she angrily demanded. Little Hodakio put his hand up, "General MacArthur, 1945." At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glares around and asks, "All right! -- Now who said that?" Again Little Hodakio says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991." Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? -- Suck this!" Little Hodakio jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!" Now with almost mob hysteria someone said, "You little shit! -- If you say anything else -- I'll kill you!" Little Hodakio frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Michael Jackson to the children testifying against him, 2004". The teacher fainted.

As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're F-- ked!" Little Hodakio said quietly, "The American people, November 4, 2008, when Obama was elected".

Monica Lewinsky's First Impression

Q: What was the first thing Monica saw in government?

A: The Executive Branch.