Success!

A new report shows there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people.
So overweight people are now average, which means you have met your New Year's resolution.
Happy New Year!

Accomplishments

There are two ways to approach a task. The way I do it, or on drugs.
It's my way or the high way.

Hamster Skin

Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week.  Took her to the fair last night, and it took me three hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.