Salad

Boss asks secretary "Do you know what the difference is between a Caesar Salad and a blowjob?" "No", says the secretary. "Great, let's do lunch." the boss says.

The Office Happenings

• Quote from a recent meeting: "We are going to continue having these meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is getting done".
• Quote from the Boss... "I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you."
• A motivational sign at work: The beatings will continue until morale improves.
• A direct quote from the Boss: "We passed over a lot of good people to get the ones we hired."
• My Boss frequently gets lost in thought. That's because it's unfamiliar territory.
• My Boss said to me, "What you see as a glass ceiling, I see as a protective barrier."
• My Boss needs a surge protector. That way his mouth would be buffered from surprise spikes in his brain.
• I thought my Boss was an idiot, and quit, to work for myself.
• My new Boss is an idiot, too ... but at least I respect him.
• He's given automobile accident victims new hope for recovery.
• He walks, talks and performs rudimentary tasks, all without the benefit of a SPINE.
• Some people climb the ladder of success. My Boss walked under it.
• Quote from the Boss after overriding the decision of a task force he created to find a solution: "I'm sorry if I ever gave you the impression your input would have any effect on my decision for the outcome of this project!"
• HR Manager to job candidate "I see you've had no computer training. Although that qualifies you for upper management, it means you're under-qualified for our entry level positions."
• Quote from telephone inquiry "We're only hiring one summer intern this year and we won't start interviewing candidates for that position until the Boss' daughter finishes her summer classes.

IBM Alert

Abstract: Mouse Balls Available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit) . Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced using the twist-off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse maybe used immediately. It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction, and that any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items.