The Last Words

A teacher was asking her class what their fathers did. When she asked little Johnny, he said, "My father's dead, Miss." "Oh, I am sorry, Johnny. In that case, what did he do before he died?" "He went blue, held his chest and moaned aaaaarrrrrrggg, and collapsed."

Jake the Fighter Pilot

A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?" 
Little Jake says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an unlimited Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane." 
The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Jake, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson.  "And how about you, Suzie?"
"I wanna be Jake’s whore." 

Beautiful

The teacher says, "Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Today's word is 'beautiful.' Little Sally, would you please come up here and use 'beautiful' in a sentence?"
Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, my mom is the most beautiful woman in the world."
The teacher says, "Very good, Little Sally, you may sit. Little Frankie, your turn."
Little Frankie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, the sunrise this morning was the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen."
The teacher says, "Very good, Little Frankie, you may sit. Little Johnny, it's your turn."
Little Johnny walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, last night my big sister told my dad that she was pregnant and he said, 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful.'"