Moms' ABCs

A - ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
B - BATHROOM: A room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning.
C - COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
D - DATE: Infrequent outings with Dad where Mom can enjoy worrying about the kids in a different setting.
E - EMPTY NEST: See "WISHFUL THINKING."
F - FABLE: A story told by a teenager arriving home after curfew.
G - GUM: Adhesive for the hair.
H - HINDSIGHT: What Mom experiences from changing too many diapers.
I - INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
J - JUNK: Dad's stuff.
K - KISS: Mom's medicine.
L - LEMONADE STAND: Complicated business venture where Mom buys powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit there for three to six minutes and next a profit of 15 cents.
M - MAYBE: No.
N - NAIL POLISH: part of an assortment of make-up items such as lipstick, eyeliner, blush etc. which ironically make Mom look better while making her young daughter look "like a tramp."
O - OVERSTUFFED RECLINER: Mom's nickname for Dad.
P - PANIC: What a mother goes through when the darn wind-up swing stops.
Q - QUIET: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college.
R - REFRIGERATOR: Combination art gallery and air-conditioner for the kitchen.
S - SPOILED: What the kids become after as little as 15 minutes with Grandma.
T - TOWELS: See "FLOOR COVERINGS".
U - UNDERWEAR: An article of clothing, the cleanliness of which ensures the wearer will never have an accident.
V - VACATION: Where you take the family to get away from it all, only to find it there, too.
W - WALLS: Complete set of drawing paper for kids that comes with every room.
X - XOXOXO: Mom salutation guaranteed to make the already embarrassing note in a kid's lunch box even more mortifying.
Y - "YIPPEE!": What mother's shout the first day of school.
Z - ZUCCHINI: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed and kids still refuse to eat it.

Kids In The...

Q: What do you call someone who fucks kids in the ass?
A: A backdoor pedophile!