LSD Cocktail

Q: What do you get if you cross LSD with birth control?
A: A trip without the kids!

A Book of Animals

A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. The girl's mother asked her "What does the cow say?" her daughter says "Moooo!" Her mother asks again, "Great! What does the cat say?" her daughter replies "Meow." "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?" And this wide-eyed little three-year-old looked up at her mother and replied, "Bud."

Is That a Record?

A woman meant to call a record store but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead.
"Do you have 'Eyes of Blue' and 'A Love Supreme'?" she asked.
"Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner. "But I have a wife and eleven children."
"Is that a record?" she inquired.
"I don't think so," replied the man, "but it's as close as I want to get."