Hearing Test

A little boy is doing his homework. He says to himself, “Two plus five, the son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, the son of a bitch is nine.” His mother hears this and gasps, “What are you saying?” The little boy answers, “I’m doing my homework. This is how my teacher taught me to do it.” Infuriated, the mother confronts the teacher the next day. “What are you teaching my son in arithmetic? He’s been saying two plus two, the son of a bitch is four?” The teacher replies, “Oh dear. What I taught them was, two plus two ‘the sum of which’ is four!”

The Report Card

Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.""

Quiet In Church

A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."