You might be from a small town if:

1. You can name everyone you graduated with
2. You get a whiff of manure and think of home
3. You know what 4-H is
4. You ever went to "headlight parties"
5. You used to drag "main"
6. You said the 'f' word and your parents knew within the hour
7. You schedule parties around the schedule of different police officers, since you know which ones will bust you and which ones won't
8. You ever went cow-tipping
9. You have ever partied with a guy who is 25, has no job, but is the 'buyer' for all of the best parties
10. You have parties at the same guy's house
11. School gets cancelled for state sporting events
12. The town social events are their children's
13. You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were (and, if you were old enough, they'd tell your parents, anyhow)
14. When you did find someone old enough and brave enough to buy smokes, you still had to go out to the country and drive on back roads to smoke them
15. Social acceptance in town depended on the approval of the five old (but rich) hags that met each morning at the donut shop for the latest smut
16. You were ever in the Homecoming parade
17. You have ever gone home for Homecoming
18. You fix up to go buy milk lest anyone starts the rumor that you have gained weight or quit taking care of youself
19. No place sells gas on Sunday
20. Friday nights fun consisted of standing in line for the one screen theater and since it was sold out, watching truckers and drinking coffee at the truck stop (the only place open after 10)
21. You have to drive an hour to buy a pair of socks
22. It was cool to date someone from the neighboring town
23. You have ever gone for a walk in the cemetery, on a date
24. You ordered your waredrobe out of a catalog
25. You had senior skip day
26. The whole school went to the same party after graduation
27. The only 'clique' that nobody would be nice to was the skurves across the street
28. You don't give directions by street names or house numbers, but you give directions by references (turn by Armstrongs' Liquor, go two blocks past Andersons', and it's four houses left of the track field)

A Cop on Christmas Morning

On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light. Next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid tells him yes. The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."
The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."
The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

Pain

A six year old comes crying to his Mother because his little sister pulled his hair. "Don't be angry," the Mother says, "Your little sister doesn't realize that pulling hair hurts." A short while later, there's more crying, and the Mother goes to investigate. This time the sister is bawling and her brother says... "Now she knows."