Feel Better

Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self-pitying. She moaned to her mom and brother, "Nobody loves me.. the whole world hates me!" Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word: "That's not true, Mary. Some people don't even know you."

Hoe Down

You know you're a redneck when some one yells "hoe down" and your wife drops to the floor!

Pig's Ears

A woman enters a butcher shop and asks the counter assistant, "Do you have pig's ears?" The counter assistant replies, "No, it's just the way my hair is parted!"