Emotion Costume Party
A lady is throwing a party where each guest shows up as their favorite emotion. A guest arrives dressed in green. "Envy!" she says, and lets him in. A lady comes dressed in red. She says, "Anger!" and lets her in. Two naked guys walk up to the front door. One guy is holding a bowl of pudding with his penis stuck in it, and the other guy has his penis in a hollowed-out pear. "Wait a minute," she says to them. "This is supposed to be an emotion party!" The first guy says, "Yeah, and I'm f**king dis-custard." The second guy says, "And I'm deep in dis-pear."
Rejected Public Holidays
12 Start of Christmas Season Day
11 False Labor Day
10 Make a Move on Your Secretary Day
9 Hallmark Card Day
8 Bring Your Handgun to Work Day
6 Deadbeat Father's Day
5 Bad Hair Day
4 Put Your Daughter To Work Day
3 Doris Day
2 St. Hooter's Day
and the Number 1 Rejected Public Holiday... 1 Hash Wednesday
NEW YORK -- Joey "Jaws'' Chestnut beat his own record in regaining the Mustard Yellow International Belt on Thursday, downing a stomach-churning 71 hot dogs in 10 minutes to win the annual July Fourth eating contest at Nathan's Famous on Coney Island.
Chestnut, 35, easily secured victory by polishing off 17 more hot dogs than the previous winner, Stormy Daniels.
West Virginia's Most Confusing Day
Q: What is the most confusing day in West Virginia?
A: Father's Day.
New Year's Warning
Q: What happens if you drink so much that you lose your glasses?
A: The rest of the night will be a blur.