Italian Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas, Da whole house was mella, Not a creature was stirrin', Cuz I had a gun unda da pilla. When up on da roof I heard somethin' pound, I sprung to da window, To scream, "YO! Keep it down!" When what to my Wanderin' eyes should appear, But da Don of all elfs, And eight friggin' reindeer! Wit' slicked back black hair, And a silk red suit, don Christopher wuz here, And he brought da loot! Wit' a slap to dare snouts, And a yank on dare manes, He cursed and he shouted, And he called dem by name. "Yo Tony, Yo Frankie, Yo Vinny, Yo Vito, Ay Joey, Ay Paulie, Ay Pepe, Ay Guido!" As I drew out my gun And hid by da bed, He flew troo da winda And slapped me 'side da head. "What da heck you doin' Pullin' a gun on da Don? Now all you're gettin' is coal, You friggin' moron!" Den pointin' a fat finga Right unda my nose, He twisted his pinky ring, And up da chimney he rose. He sprang to his sleigh, Obscenities screamin', Away dey all flew, Before he troo dem a beatin'. Den I heard him yell out, What I did least expect, "Merry Friggin' Christmas to all, And yous better show some respect!" 

MAFIA Valetine Card Verses

• My love for you... it came and went.
• So your feet are now in wet cement.
• I'm here To fulfill your fondest wishes, Now that your husband sleeps with the fishes.
• Lie down with me -- it's my final offa, Or you'll be lying wit' Jimmy Hoffa.
• I picked up this card from a slim selection, But that's all they offer here in witness protection.
• Be my Valentine, and we can do it execution-style.
• Cinderella got her fella, with a slipper made of glass; So please be mine, Valentine, or I'll have to whack your ass.
• Violets are blue, roses are red, I blew up your car -- So why ain't you dead?
• The day we met, my little pet, I knew with just one look, You'd bear a son, and now that's done, So shut your mouth and cook!
• Youse da greatest. Youse da best. But you're as untouchable as Elliot Ness.
• Lust is fleeting, true love lingers. Be mine always and you'll keep your fingers.
• Hope da chocolates is good, but y'know, dis ain't really what a guy's heart looks like.
• When a goon makes you die, Cuz you told him goodbye -- that's amore!

Best Costume

Q: Why was the little boy unhappy to win first prize for the best costume at the Halloween party?
A: Because he just came to pick up his sister!