10 Perks of Hanukkah

1. There's no "Donny and Marie Hanukkah Special"
2. Eight days of presents (in theory, anyway).
3. No need to clean the chimney.
4. There's no latke-nog.
5. Burl Ives doesn't sing Hanukkah songs.
6. You won't be pressured to buy Hanukkah Seals.
7. You won't see, "You're a Putz, Charlie Brown." 
8. No barking dog version of "I had a Little Dreidel."
9. No pine needles to vacuum up afterwards.
10. Blintzes are cheaper to mail than fruitcakes.

Clean Santa

Q: Why doesn't Santa get STD's?
A: Because he always wraps his package before he comes down the chimney.

Blonde Ask From Santa

Q: What did the blonde ask Santa Claus for Christmas?
A: Five golden dings, four calling nerds, three French men, two purple gloves, and a bar fridge and a party.