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The best jokes and joke writers!

The Bear and The Rabbit

A bear is chasing a rabbit through a forest. They find a bottle and decide to rub it. A genie pops out. He says "I will grant each of you three wishes." The bear says "I wish that all of the bears in the forest were females." **POOF** It is done.The rabbit says "I wish for a motorcycle." **POOF** It is done. The bear says "I wish all the bears in this country were females." **POOF** It is done.The rabbit says "I wish for a lifetime supply of carrots back at my house." **POOF** It is done. The bear thought to himself "Why is the rabbit wasting his wishes on stupid small things?" Finally, the bear says "For my third wish, I wish that all the bears in the world were female." **POOF** It is done. The rabbit says "For MY last wish, I wish for the bear to be gay" and he rode off on his motorcycle.

On The Beach

There is 2 fags walking down the beach. They are holding hands and kicking the sand with their feet. One happens to kick a lamp that is lying buried in the sand. He picks it up and starts to clean it off. All of a sudden a Genie comes out of the lamp. "Man, I don't believe it. I have stuck in that bottle for two thousand years and the first person to come along and find me is a fag. I am suppose to give you 3 wishes but I just can't do it. I won't even give you 2. I will give you one wish and that is it. What will it be?" The 2 men are excited about getting their wish but couldn't come up with what they wanted to wish for on such short notice. One man says, "Could you give us just a little time to think about it? I mean one wish we need a little time." The Genie looks down and says, "Alright you can take as long as you want but I am not going to stay here until you come up with it. I just can't stand the sight of you two. Whenever you make up your mind just wish for it and it will done." At that moment the Genie grabs his bottle and flies off into the sky. Well the two men decide that they will go back to the motel room and decide on what they will wish for. Once they got back, their emotions took over and they started getting intimate. Right as they were getting into it, the door of their room gets busted down and 6 men in white sheets come in. They grab the two and throw a rope around their necks. The men look at each other and one says to the other; " You know this might be a good time use our wish." The second man says, "I already made it." The first man responds "What the hell did you wish for?" The second man says shyly, "Well, I wished that we were hung like two niggers."

Catching a Mermaid

Three fishermen catch a mermaid. If they agree to set her free, she will grant them each a wish. The first guy says, "OK, I want you to double my I.Q." Immediately, the guy recites Shakespeare flawlessly. The second guy asks the mermaid to triple his I.Q. Suddenly, he's spouting complicated mathematical solutions. Impressed, the last guy asks the mermaid to quintuple his I.Q. The mermaid hesitates and asks, "Are you sure that's what you really want?" "Absolutely!" says the man. The mermaid smiles. Instantly, the third man turns into a woman.

Careful What You Wish For

A couple had been married for 40 years and also celebrated their 60th birthdays. During the celebration, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all these years, she would give them one wish each. Being the faithful, loving spouse for all these years, naturally the wife wanted for herself and her husband to have a romantic vacation together, so she wished for them to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and boom! ... The wife had the tickets in her hand. Next, it was the husband's turn and the fairy assured him he could have any wish he wanted, all he needed to do was ask for his heart's desire. He paused for a moment, and then said, "Well, honestly, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me." The fairy picked up her wand and kazoom! ... The husband turned 90!

Golfers and the Genie

A guy is golfing with his pretty wife, who is a very poor golfer. On the first hole she sends the ball smashing through the window of a nearby house. The couple goes to the house to investigate the damage and finds the door open. They go inside and found a man sitting on a couch next to the broken window. There is also a broken oil-lamp. The husband asks: "Did we break that too?" "Yes", replies the man. "Sorry. Do you live here?" the husband asks. "No, actually, I'm a genie." The man states. "I was sleeping in that lamp when your golf ball smashed it. Now, I'm supposed to give you three wishes, but I'm keeping one for myself since you smashed my lamp. OK, what'll they be?" The husband thinks a moment: "First, make my wife a better golfer." "Poof! She's a better golfer", the genie announces. "Second, I want a million bucks a week for life." "Poof! you get a million bucks a week", the genie announces. "Good. OK, what do you want?" asks the husband. "For my wish. I want to have my way with your pretty wife," grins the genie. "Hmmm", the husband hesitated, "I guess that's all right. After all, she broke your lamp, you've made us rich, and our golf games will be much more interesting. Go ahead. "So the genie and the wife retire the bedroom. After several steamy hours the "genie" says to the wife: "How long have you known your husband?" "Ten years," she replies. "How long has he believed in this genie stuff?"