Butt Reduction

Q: What happens if you cut off your right butt cheek?
A: You'll be left behind.

Romaine Alert

The Romaine empire has fallen.
Caesar is dead.
Lettuce pray.
 

Why Engineers Don't Write Recipe Books

Chocolate Chip Cookies:
Ingredients:

1. 532.35 cm3 gluten
2. 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
3. 4.9 cm3 refined halite
4. 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
5. 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
6. 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
7. 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
8. Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
9. 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
10. 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10) To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1)

Instructions:

• With an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogeneous.
• To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogeneous mixture in reactor #1.
• Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.
• Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm).
• Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston's first order rate [removed]see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown.
• Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.