Stop

A lady drove a van full of a dozen screaming kids through the mall parking lot looking for a space. Obviously frazzled she coasted through a stop sign; "Hey lady have you forgotten how to stop?!" yelled an irate man she rolled down the window and said "What makes you think these are all mine?"

Numbers Game

Q: Why are relationships similar to Algebra?
A: Because sometimes you look at your X and wonder Y
 

Simple Truths

SIMPLE TRUTH 1:
Lovers help each other undress before sex.
However, after sex, they always dress on their own.

The moral of the story -- In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.
SIMPLE TRUTH 2:
When a woman is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say, "Congratulations." But none go up to the man, touch his penis and say, "Good Job."
The Moral of the story -- Hard work is rarely appreciated.