Net Worth

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.
Then they call me ugly and poor.

Bear Q

Quote by a forest ranger at Yosemite National Park on why it is hard to design the perfect garbage bin to keep bears from breaking into it:
"There is considerable overlap between the intelligence of the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists."

Celebrity Offspring

Q: If Britney Spears and Fat Bastard had a baby, what would they name it?
A: Anna Nicole Smith.