A Collection of 'If' Insults

A brief synopsis... When you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection.

• If he gets any denser, the geocentric theory of the universe will come true.
• If he had a lobotomy he'd depressurize.
• If he had another brain, it would be lonely.
• If he had brains, he'd take them out and play with them.
• If he had console lights, we would see only the idle loop patterns.
• If he were any brighter he'd be in the visible spectrum.
• If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
• If her brains were put in a hummingbird, it would fly backwards.
• If his brain were a hard drive, it would back up on a single floppy.
• If his brains were money, he'd still be in debt.
• If his IQ was two points higher he'd be a rock.
• If ignorance were bliss, she'd be orgasmic.
• If it's not in his horoscope/tea leaves, he doesn't take it seriously.
• If she had a disk we could upgrade her with DOS 3.0.
• If she was any dumber, she'd be a green plant.  

His Insults Collection

A brief synopsis... When you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection.

• His pointers are null / uninitialized.
• His puzzle is missing a few pieces.
• His reaction time is longer than his attention span.  
• His root file system isn't mounted.
• His seat back is not in the full upright and locked position.
• His shared libraries aren't installed.
• His signal-to-noise ratio is epsilon.
• His spark can't jump the gap.
• His spirit guide is a three-toed sloth.
• His stack's not very deep / he has an eight-byte stack.
• His string's aren't null-terminated.
• His strip is demagnetized.
• His system administrator is never in.
• His train tracks aren't quite parallel. His URL denies outside access. 

Blonde Gets Fired

Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the Banana Plantation?

A: Because she threw out all the bent ones!