Calvinist Lightbulbs

Q: How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. God has predestined when the light will be on. Calvinists do not change light bulbs. They simply read the instructions and pray the light bulb will be the one that has been chosen to be changed.

Flying Near Athens

As the plane was flying low over some hills near Athens, a lady asked the stewardess: "What's that stuff on those hills?" "Just snow," replied the stewardess. "That's what I thought," said the lady, "but this fellow in front of me said it was Greece."

Don't Look at Me

I had to go next door and watch my neighbor’s cat while he was away. Now there’s a great pile of crap and a puddle of pee on his kitchen floor . Hopefully, he’ll think the cat did it.