Gift for The Wife
After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50. "That's a bit much," said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30. "Thats still quite a bit," Tom groused. Growing disgusted, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle. Tom grew agitated, "What I mean," he said, "is I'd like to see something real cheap. "So the clerk handed him a mirror.
World Cup: Priceless
Flight to Rio: € 2,000
Hotel: € 1,200
England Football Team Merchandise: € 750
Arriving after elimination: Priceless
A Jew and a Canoe
Q: What is the difference between a jew and a canoe?
A: A canoe tips
Your Family Is So Poor
Your family is so poor, when I went to your house I stepped on a cigarette and your Daddy shouted, “Hey, who turned off the heater!”
The Elegant Crapper
A man with greasy jeans, a flannel shirt, and work boots approaches the headwaiter in an elegant restaurant. The man says, "Hey buddy, where's your crapper?" The headwaiter calmly replies, "Go down the hall and turn left. When you see the sign marked 'Gentlemen,' pay absolutely no attention to it and go right inside."