Likable

I finally found a woman like my mom. This woman acts like her, looks like her, and smells like her. I decided to take this woman home, and for some reason my father doesn't like her!

Get Rich Quick

A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick. So, she proceeded to find herself a rich 73 year old man, planning to screw him to death on their wedding night. The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference. On the first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed. When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover a twelve-inch erection, and was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of nose-plugs. Fearing her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked, "What are those for?" The elderly gentleman replied, "There are just two things I can't stand; the sound of a woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber!"

Marriage Advice And Quotes

• A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands. - Guitry
• Ah Mozart! He was happily married, but his wife wasn't. - Borge
• Always talk to your wife while you're making love... if there's a phone handy.
• An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. -- Agatha Christie
• And I shall love thee still my dear, until my wife is wise.
• Bachelor: the only man who has never told his wife a lie.
• Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
• By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates