Q: What does the M.D. after a name of a Soviet emigre physician stand for?
A: Mentally deficient.
Four Men Learning English
There once was four men all from foreign countries, and none of them spoke a hint of english. The first man liked to listen to the opera and learned to sing, "Me! Me! Me! Me!" The second guy got a job at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives! Forks and knives!" The third guy got a job at a candy store and learned to say, "Goody, goody gum drops!" And the fourth man was quite lazy and sat in front of the TV all day and learned to say, "Plug it in, plug it in!" off the commercial. One day the four friends were walking down the road, when they come across a dead woman laying on the side walk, a police officer runs up to them and asks, "Do you know who killed this woman?" The first man then sang, "Me! Me! Me! Me!" The police man then continues, "What did ya kill er with?' And the second man replied, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" The police man, then asked, "You're goin to jail!" and the third man said, "Goody, goody gum drops!"and then the police officer threatened, "We're going put you in the electric chair!" and the third, and laziest man replied, "Plug it in, plug it in!"
A man in Amsterdam feels the need to confess, so he goes to his priest. "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a refugee in my attic." "Well," answers the priest, "that's not a sin."' "But I made him agree to pay me 20 guilders for every week he stayed." "I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause." "Oh, thank you, Father. That eases my mind. I have one more question." "What is that, my son?" "Do I have to tell him the war is over?"
Capitalism, Socialism, and Communism have a meeting for tea at noon. Capitalism and Communism arrive on time, but Socialism is nowhere to be found. Finally he arrives, out of breath and apologetic. "I'm sorry," says Socialism, "I was standing in line for sausage." Capitalism says "What's a line?" And Communism says "What's a sausage?"
Q: What's the hot new sexual position for people in the UK?
A: The Brexit - you promise to pull out but you don’t.