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The best jokes and joke writers!

Sherlock Holmes And Watson Camping

Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a camping and hiking trip. They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky. Holmes said, "Watson, look up. What do you see?" "Well, I see thousands of stars. ""And what does that mean to you?" "Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?" "To me, it means someone has stolen our tent."

Abo's at the Pearly Gates

St Peter is standing at the pearly gates one day when a pair of Abo's stroll up ."Your names aren't on today's list... let me go and ask the Boss" he says. In God's office he tells the Big Man all about the two Abo's, and God tells Peter to go and tell them to fuck right off. St. Peter takes his leave. 5 minutes later St. Peter runs back into the room and says "they're gone." God says, "the Abo's? Good," and St Peter replies... "NO THE PEARLY GATES!!!"

Top Ten Reasons For Being English

  1. Two World Wars and one World Cup
  2. Proper beer
  3. You can confuse everyone with the rules for cricket
  4. You get to accept defeat graciously
  5. Union Jack Underpants
  6. You can live in the past and imagine that you're still a world power
  7. You can bathe once a week whether you need to or not
  8. You can change your underwear once a week whether you need to or not
  9. Beats being Scottish
  10. Beats being Welsh

No Blondes

Q: .Why are the Japanese so smart?

A: No blondes.

The Chinese Pay Off Their Debts

Jones: "The Chinese make it an invariable rule to settle all their debts on New Year's Day."

Smith: "So I understand, but, then again, the Chinese don't have a Christmas the week before!"