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The best jokes and joke writers!

Bean Soup

When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. "Good heavens," he said, "what is this?" "Why, it's bean soup," she replied. "I don't care what it has been," he sputtered. "What is it now?"

World hunger survey

A worldwide survey was carried out with the following question:

"PLEASE, GIVE US YOUR OPINION ON THE LACK OF FOOD IN THE REST OF THE WORLD."

No result was achieved, since the following problems were faced during the survey's implementation:
1. In Western Europe, no one knew what "lack" meant.
2. In Africa, no one knew what "food" meant.
3. In Eastern Europe, no one knew what "opinion" meant.
4. In South America, no one knew what "please" meant.
5. In the USA, no one knew who "rest of the world" were.

Soviet String Quartet

Q: What is the definition of a Soviet String Quartet?

A: A Soviet Symphony Orchestra after a tour of the USA!

Beautiful Girl in Russia

Q: What do you call a beautiful girl in Russia?

A: A tourist.

An Englishman.

The three survivors of the shipwreck were being driven mad by hunger. The Irishman, an expert navigator, told the others that if they could row the lifeboat for three more days they could make landfall. The Pole, the ship's doctor, said that they could not possibly last that long, that there was only one solution to the problem and that one of them would have to sacrifice themselves for the good of the others. The Englishman, the captain, said that he quite understood and that he would volunteer as he should have gone down with the ship anyway. After saying an emotional farewell to his crewmen, the captain jumped  overboard and sank without a trace.