Irishman, Englishman And A German

Irishman, Englishman and a German are caught in Saudi Arabia drinking. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on your back, what would you like?" said the prison guard to the Englishman just before lashing him. The English man, being a bit of a cricket fan, asked for linseed oil. When they lashed him on a post and let him go to catch his flight back to London he groaned and crawled to the airport. Next came the German. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on your back, what would you like?" said the prison guard "Nothing" said the German and, after receiving his lashes spat on the ground, called the prison guards Schisers and started off towards the airport. The guards then came to the Irishman. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on your back, what would you like?" "Oh", replied the Irishman, "I'll take the German".

Finnegin's Wife Stays Up

Finnegin says, "My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock in the morning. I can't break her out of it."
"What on earth is she doin' at that time?" replied Keenan.
"Waitin' for me to come home!"

Benefit of Confession

Two Irish lads had been out shacking up with their girl friends. One felt guilty and decided he should stop at the church and confess. He went into the confession booth and told the Father, "Father, I have sinned. I have committed fornication with a lady. Please forgive me." The Father said, "Tell me who the lady was." The lad said he couldn't do that and the Father said he couldn't grant him forgiveness unless he did. "Was it Mollie O'Grady?" asked the Father." "No." "Was it Rosie Kelly?" "No." "Was it that red-headed wench Tessie O'Malley?" "No." "Well then," said the Father, "You'll not be forgiven." When the lad met his friend outside the friend asked, "So, did you find forgiveness." "No," said the other, "but I picked up three good prospects!"