It's The Carburetor

An American tourist was driving in County Kerry, when his motor stopped. He got out to see if he could locate the trouble. A voice behind him said, "The trouble is the carburetor." He turned around and only saw an old horse. The horse said again, "It's the carburetor that's not working." The American nearly died with fright, and dashed into the nearest pub, had a large whiskey, and told Murphy the bartender what the horse had said to him. Murphy said, "Well, don't pay any attention to him, he knows nothing about cars anyway."

Torotonians to Screw in Lightbulb

Q: How many Torontonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Fifty-one to do it and the other forty-nine to proclaim it's the greatest event in the history of creation, a truly world-class bulb screwing.

The Best Book On Elephants

The UN sponsored a competition on which nation can produce the best book on elephants. The British submited a dry historical account "The Elephant and the British Empire." The French submited a text  "The Sensuality of the Elephant -- a Personal Account." The Germans submited 47 Volumes entitled "An Elementary Introduction to the Foundation of the Science of the Elephant's Ear." The Americans submited an article from "Money" magazine: "Elephants -- the Perfect Tax Shelter for the 80s". Green-Peace submited a counter-entry "Elephants -- they're better than People" The Russians submited a terse manuscript titled  "The superiority of the Soviet Elephant" and submited a poem "The Joy and Freedom Brought forth by the Soviet Elephant." But the Japanese won with their Promotional Flier  "We have no Elephants but wouldn't you want to buy a Honda instead"