102 Years Old

Journalist: "So Frank, congratulations on turning 102, we're writing a story about your everyday life. What is the first thing you do in the morning?"
Frank: "I take a piss.....oooh I piss so much!"
Journalist: "Okay Frank, but I can't write that in the paper, what's the second thing you do in the morning?"
Frank: "I shit, oh boy do I shit!"
Journalist: "Frank, come on, I can't write that in the paper either, what's the third thing you do in the morning?"
Frank: "I get up..!"  Journalist: "Thank you"

Lisping Midget

A midget with a heavy lisp goes to a horse farm to purchase a horse. The owner of the farm takes him through to look at all of his horses. The owner is really getting pissed off. Finally, the last horse and the midget decided that he really wanted this horse. So he ask the owner if he could lift him up so he could look at the horses eyes. The owner did as the midget asked, and the midget said  "Oh my, thse got very pretty eyez". Then the midget asked if he could lift him up so he could see her teeth, Then the midget said "Oh wow, thse got wonderful teeth." Then the midget asked if he could see her twat. The owner, being very pissed, picked him up, and rammed him in and out of the horse's twat. The midget looked up at the owner and said. "Oh my, yes she does have a very fine twat, but I guess I thoud have asked to see her gallop."

Progress Report

Got my first report about my progress at the Impotence Club.
It said "Must try harder"