Gynecologist Exam

A woman goes to the gynecologist for an exam. She puts her feet into the stirrups and the doctor begins his exam. After a moment, he says, "You have an unusually deep vagina." The woman replies, "You don't have to say it twice." The doctor says, "I didn't."

Half-Bird

Getting fed up of my girlfriend's speech impediment. She asked me to thaw the chicken that was in the freezer, then got pissed off when I cut it in half.

Loaded For the Date

A guy had a date with this really hot blonde. He wanted a tan, so he went up on his roof and stripped because he didn't want a tan line. But he fell asleep and woke up three hours later with a sunburn, especially on his dick. He puts lotion on it, wraps it up and gets ready for his date. The blonde comes over, they make dinner and are watching a movie when the sunburn on the guy's dick really starts to hurt. So he excuses himself to the kitchen, where he pours milk on his dick to alleviate the burn. The blonde, who has followed him, peeks in the kitchen and says to herself, "So that's how they load them."