Disease / Afflictions Jokes - Fart Jokes

A stuffy matron is with a new man in a top restaurant. The onion soup gets to her, and as the waiter is serving the main dishes she lets loose a bombastic fart. Trying to save face, she says to the waiter: "Sir! Please stop that immediately." "Certainly, madame," replies the waiter with a bow, "which way was it headed?"

Q: Why should February 10th be National Fart Day?

A: Because it's 2/10.

ART FART = it's such a beauty you want to immortalize it on canvas.
ARROGANT FART = When you think your farts don't stink.
ASSUALT FART = A sudden attack that shoots virtual flames out your arse.
TIRE FART = You can't control the blow out.
BEER FARTS = These come out of every 'can' and smell like warm beer.
JAIL FART = Been doing time inside you for quite awhile, and finally makes its great escape.
DONKEY FART = Your ass is the only one that can do it.
GHOST FART = You can't hear it, you can't see it, and you can't smell it.
HOME ALONE FART = When you're home alone and a great one is wasted on no one.
SHOE FART = When you bend over to tie your shoe laces and one escapes.
TANK FART = When you refer to your farts as 'gas'.
OLD FART = You know how old it is by how bad it smells.
BRAIN FART = You need to fart, but nothing comes out.
ALZHEIMER FART = A confused fart that heads the wrong way, and becomes a burp.
NOT-ME FART = When you drop a bomb in a crowded elevator, turn around to the person behind you and give a disgusted look and whisper "PIG!"
U.F.O. FART = When someone farts in crowded room, label it as a "Unidentified Foul Odor".

Q: What do you get when you mix beans and onions?

A: Tear gas.

Q: What is the sharpest thing in the world?

A: A Fart. It goes through your pants and doesn't even leave a hole.