Wooden Leg

Harry was delighted when he found a young woman who accepted his proposal of marriage as he was sensitive about his wooden leg and a bit afraid no one would have him. In fact, he couldn't bring himself to tell his fiancee` about his leg when he slipped the ring on her finger, nor when she bought the dress, nor when they picked the time and place. All he kept saying was, "Darling, I've got a big surprise for you," at which she blushed and smiled bewitchingly. The wedding night came and went, and the young couple were at last alone in their hotel room. "Now don`t forget, Harry, you promised me a big surprise," said the bride. Unable to say a word, Harry turned out the lights, unstrapped his wooden leg, slipped into bed, and placed his wife`s hand on the stump. "Hmmmmm," she said softly, "that IS a surprise. But pass me the Vaseline and I`ll see what I can do!"

Prosthetic Leg

I had my leg amputated and was too cheap to get a prosthetic leg. So I just went to Toys "R" Us and bought a Barbie doll of Sarah Jessica Parker and turned it upside down and everyone is amazed how realistic it is.

Disabled Sea Captain

An old sea captain with one wooden leg, one hook replacing a missing hand, and one missing eye goes into a bar. The sailor sitting next to him says, "You're really in bad shape. What happened to your leg?"
"I fell overboard," says the Captain, "and before my mates could pull me aboard, a shark bit it off."
"Terrible," says the sailor. "And what happened to your hand?"
"We attacked a man-o'-war," says the Captain, "and one of the attackees chopped it off with a saber."
"Awful," says the sailor. "And how did you lose your eye?"
"Seagull droppings," says the Captain.
"Amazing," says the sailor. "I didn't know seagull droppings could put your eye out."
"Can't," says the Captain. "But it was my first day with the hook."