Costume Party

A self-conscious bald man with a peg leg is invited to a costume party. The shop owner at the costume shop shows him a lifeguard costume. The man says, "No, no. I can't wear that. It will show off my peg leg." Next, the shop owner brings out a monk costume. The man says, "No, no. I can't wear that. It will show off my bald head." The annoyed shop owner returns with a five-pound bag of caramels and says, "Take these home, melt them, pour them all on your head, stick that peg leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple."

MJ Fox in the Hospital

Q: What did the doctor say about Michael J Fox in the hospital?
A: He'll be okay, he's just shaking it off.

Best Employer

Q: Where do one legged people work?
A: IHOP