Summer Bible Salesman
Three boys look for a summer job. Their preacher agrees to let them sell Bibles door to door, though he's hesitant about hiring the third boy because he suffers from a speech impediment. After the first week of work they all meet at the church. The preacher asks the boys, "How many Bibles did you sell?" The first boy says, "35." The second boy says, "75." The boy with the speech impediment says, "I-I-I s-s-sold 175." The preacher is amazed and asks the boy how he did it. The boy says, "I-I-I t-t-told them to b-b-buy t-t-them, or I'd r-r-read it to t-t-them."
Emergency Rooms News
A man lying on a stretcher in the emergency room asks the doctor if he'll be okay. The doctor turns to him and says, "Well, there is good and bad news." "Tell me the bad news" says the man. "Well," says the doctor, "the bad news is that we are going to half to cut both your legs off." "Oh my God," cries the man, "what the hell is the good news?" "The good news is," replies the doctor, "see that man over there? He wants to buy your shoes."
Agony: a one-armed man hanging off a cliff with itchy balls.
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone
Q: Did you hear about the chameleon that couldn't change color?
A: He had a reptile dysfunction.