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The best jokes and joke writers!

Silent Golf

A man is about to tee off on a golf course when he feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns and finds a man standing behind him. The second man hands him a card , reading, “I am a deaf-mute. May I play through, please?” The first man angrily gives the card back, and shouts , “No . You can’t play through! Your handicap gives you no such right!” With this the first man whacks his ball on to the green and walks off to finish the hole. A few minutes later he’s just about to sink the putt when another ball hits him on the head knocking him out cold. When he comes around he finds the deaf-mute standing over him – holding up four fingers.

New Hearing Aid

A partially deaf gentleman was extolling the virtues of his new hearing aid. "It's marvelous," he enthused to a friend. "Since I acquired it, I can hear the birds chirping on the hearth. I can also hear clearly a conversation being held in an apartment a full block away!"

"You don't say," said his friend. "What kind is it?"

The proud owner consulted his wristwatch and answered, "Twenty minutes after two."


When someone yawns, do deaf people think they're screaming?

Night Fight

One fine day in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other. The deaf policeman heard the noise, and came and shot those two dead boys. If you don't believe this joke is true, ask the blind man, he saw it too.

Mister Smith in the Maternity Ward

Mister Smith received an emergency call from the hospital.

Mister Smith rushed into the maternity ward, "What's wrong? What's the emergency?"

"Oh, Mister Smith, your child was just born and I have some terrible news for you. It's disfigured" said the nurse.

"Well, how bad is it? Can I see?" he replied.

"Follow me, sir." They headed down a restricted corridor and came to the first door. Inside, in the respirator, is a newborn child without arms.

Mister Smith is upset, "Oh my God! How terrible to be born this way!"

The nurse interrupts, "No Mister Smith, that isn't your child. Follow me, please."

They came to another room, and there lies a newborn with no arms OR legs.

Mister Smith cries, "Oh dear God! What could be worse than this?"

"No Mister Smith, that's not your child. Follow me" said the nurse.

The next room down, Smith looked in. This kid is only a head, no body at all.

"Oh my God! How awful! What could be worse than this?" cried Mister Smith.

"Not your child, sir. Follow me" said the nurse.

One more room left in the hall. Mister Smith forced himself to enter. There on a pillow is a single huge ear.

"This is your child, Mister Smith." said the nurse.

Smitty goes nuts, "Oh Lord! What could possibly be worse than this!? But...It's still my son. I will talk to him, I will amuse him with bed-time stories. I will sing him lullabies..."

"Sir...it's deaf."