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The best jokes and joke writers!

Deaf Mute

Did you hear about the deaf mute? - Neither did he.

Say Again?

A numbers mob was looking for a runner to pick up betting cash in a new location (A very rich area - Expected around $200,000 in cash daily). A man was chosen but never showed up with the cash. Mr. Big asked the guy in charge of finding the runner, "Where is my money?" The man replied that he didn't know and said that he would find him. The man located the new runner and brought him to Mr. Big's office. Mr. Big said, "Where the fuck is my money?"  The runner looked puzzled and started talking in sign language. Mr. Big said, "What the fuck is this?"

The man in charge of hiring the runner explained that he was deaf and dumb and was the only person that he could find to take the job.

Mr. Big said, "Do you know how to read sign language?"

The man said, " No, but I'll find someone who can."  He comes back with a female interpreter and Mr. Big asks her to ask the runner where his money is. The girl starts asking him in sign language where his money is and the man replies back to her in the same.

"Well," says Mr. Big, "What did he say?"

She says, "He said, 'Fuck You!'"

Mr. Big replied, "You'd better ask him again, I hope he misunderstood you."

The girl asks him again, "Where is the money?" and the man again replied in sign language. "What did he say this time?", asked Mr. Big.

"He said 'Fuck You' again". With that, Mr. Big got very upset and told her to tell him, "If he doesn't tell me where my money is, I'll cut off his head and throw him in the river!"

She told this to the man and this time he answered, "It's under the front seat of my car", again in sign language. "Well ", asked Mr. Big," What did he say this time?".

She replied " He said 'Fuck You!'"

Same Aid

One way to live together and never have an argument is for both husband and wife to be hard-of-hearing... and to share the same hearing aid.

Ponderings Collection 41

  • Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
  • Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
  • How can there be self-help "groups"?
  • How do you get off a non-stop flight?
  • How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
  • How many weeks are there in a light year?
  • If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?
  • If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
  • If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?
  • If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

Dry Cleaning

Monica needed to get one of her dresses cleaned so she took it to the dry cleaners. The man working there was an elderly man and was hard of hearing.

Monica said,"I need this dress cleaned."

The man said, "Come again?"

Monica replied, "No, it's just mustard."