Gifts for a Blind Mom

Three brothers wanted to give their blind mom a birthday gift. The first got her a big beautiful house. The second got her a brand new luxury vehicle with a driver. The third got her a talking parrot to keep her company. When they all got together, they wanted to know which gift she liked best. She said they were all great but she thanked her third son because she liked the chicken dinner best.

Collection Man

The mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses they were "protecting."  Feeling the heat from the police force, they decide to use a deaf person for this job.  If he were to get caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to the police what he was doing.  Well, on his first week, the deaf collector picks up over $40,000! But he gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place. The mafia soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends some of their hoods after the deaf collector. The hoods find him and drag the guy to an interpreter. The Mafia hood says to the interpreter, "Ask him where da money is!"  The interpreter signs, "Where's the money?" The deaf man replies, "I don't know what you're talking about." The interpreter tells the hood, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about." The hood pulls out a .38 and places it in the ear of the deaf collector. "Now ask him where the money is!" The interpreter signs, "Where is the money?" The deaf man replies, "The $40,000 is in a tree stump in Central Park." The interpreter says to the hood, "He says he still doesn't know what you're talking about, and doesn't think you have the balls to pull the trigger!"

Sky Diving

Q: Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
A: Because it scares the hell out of the dog.