Q: How many Catholic priests does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw the light bulb and the other to screw the altar boy in the corner!
Party at Michael Jackson's
Q: How can you tell when Michael Jackson is giving a party?
A: By all the Big Wheels parked in his driveway.
Pedophile at Heavens Gates
A pedophile dies in a car crash and goes to heaven. He's stopped at the pearly gates by St. Peter, who is really miffed: "You swine. How can you have the audacity to try and enter heaven after you have lead such a perverted, ungodly life. Do you think you have a snowballs chance in hell of meeting god?" "Fuck God... I'm after the baby Jesus."
How Old Am I?
A kid goes up to his father and says, "Hey, Pop, know how old I am today?" His father says, "No...how old?" He says, "I'm eleven!" He goes into the kitchen and says to his grandmother, "Hey, Grandma, know how old I am today?" She says, "Come closer..." She unzips his jeans and reaches her thin, spotted arm down into his underwear. She fondles his genitals for a few minutes and then she says, "You're eleven." He says, "How could you tell?" She says, "I heard you tell your father."
Michael Jackson & Boyz-2-Men
Q: Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men?
A: He thought it was a delivery service.